Incredible. Liverpool down 3-0 at half time. Liverpool were looking humiliated. A real anti-climax after all that. I was going to walk home. Milan had just turned to shit in Serie A and nearly got turned over by PSV, while Liverpool ripped Juventus apart for 45 minutes and completely stifled Chelsea. So I thought tonight would be close. I complained Benitez (Rafa organizes tho’, I rate him) didn’t know what he was doing playing Kewell and bringing Smicer (Smicer!) on during the break. Liverpool didn’t have a clue really. Milan totally dominated them in the 1st half. On with the 2nd half, then Gerrard scores with a looping header, and then Smicer strikes a shot out of nowhere! 3-2! Game On! Dieter Hamann (who was brought on at half time) is playing a blinder. Then Gerrard gets tripped in the box (he wasn’t really but who cares) and Xabi Alonso steps up to take it. The game was fucking insanity, I tell you. Most Euro Cup finals are dreary and over-cautious affairs, but not this one. The keeper saves it but he smacks in the rebound. 3-3! All 3 goals in 6 minutes! Then Djibril Cisse comes on and it looks like we might get a goal. Baros works hard but isn’t really up to it on his own. Carragher and Hyppia are immense under the Milan pressure after Liverpool’s 3rd goal. It�s mad marvellous madness. The commentator says of Carragher, “he’s got cramp in both groins”. The Man With Two Groins, eh? Dudek makes a terrific double save. How the fuck did he do that?, we all say. Dudek of all keepers. It�s going to penalties. Dudek does some wacky Grobbelaar-style antics.

Serginho shoots wide with Milan�s 1st effort. YES! Liverpool score their peno and Pirlo�s pen is saved by Dudek! Cisse scores his and then Tomasson scores his for Milan. Riise�s denied by a fine save from AC Milan�s Dida but if Smicer scores the next one, Liverpool are champions. And he does. Football never ceases to thrill and amaze me.

When the curtain rises, the stage set for Melissa Robertson’s new one-woman show, 9/11: I Remember!!!, is ominously dark, with the exception of two solid rectangular shapes backlit in red. A spotlit Robertson appears suddenly, standing between the towers, which are proportioned so that they are actually slightly smaller than her diminutive 5′2″ frame. In apparent homage to Karen Finley, she begins the show in a conservative navy-blue pinstriped suit and immediately dumps a bucket of powdered sugar over her head as “Everybody Hurts” by REM plays in the background.

Then, the show truly begins.

Face caked in dusty white powder, Robertson delivers a 3 1/2 hour monologue in which she passionately depicts the lives of 210 of the victims of 9/11. Each 60-second rendition is a little jewel that fleshes out a life in a powerful and moving way, demonstrating once again what theater can do for humanity.

“Of course I wanted to depict every victim, but I had to submit to the constraints of the stage,” Robertson told us in an exclusive backstage interview with B00mb0x. “It was necessary to pick the 210 most interesting victims. While of course every lost life has meaning, not every life makes good theater. I feel comfortable that each of the 3,000 victims, more or less, are represented by the 210 who were most valuable, from a dramaturgical point of view.”

Robertson was a junior at Bryn Mawr when the attacks occurred, studying Theater and Political Science. Although she was not actually in New York City on that fateful September day, she felt an unusual closeness to the victims and their families.

“9/11: I Remember!!!” author and performance artist Melissa Robertson

“I just couldn’t stop thinking about them,” Robertson said. “It was on my mind day and night. Who were these people? How did they live? Who did they love? It bothered me so much, I started taking time away from my studies so I could google their names.”

In a bold artistic decision, Robertson made no effort to get in touch with the actual victims’ families, preferring to get her information from the Internet. “I felt that learning more actual facts about these people would sully my own artistic project. In a way, by remaking their experiences into this art, I have created people who are more important than they were in their ‘real’ lives.”

Thanks to Ms. Robertson’s, 9/11: I Remember!!!, we will remember, too.

“9/11: I Remember!!!” will run through August 31st at the Collective Unconscious in downtown Manhattan. Tickets are $70. Family of victims of the World Trade Center attack are eligible to receive a 10% discount upon showing proper documentation.

I have this friend, let’s call him “Jay.”

Jay has his own friend, let’s call him “Dave.”

“Dave” dates a nice girl. Let’s call her “Amy.”

“DAVE” does A LOT OF COCAINE.

When “Dave does lots of cocaine, he gets paranoid.

When he gets paranoid, he becomes conviced that his friend “Jay” is fucking his girlfriend “Amy,” despite the fact that “Jay” has only met “Amy” twice.

“Dave” then calls “Jay” at 3AM+ screaming accusations and obscenities.

Then, “Amy” began calling “Jay” as well, choosing to believe that “Jay” is telling “Dave” these things, as opposed to the truth - which is that her boyfriend is fucking crazy.

“Jay,” pissed off at both of them, began taping the messages.

Here, in all it’s lovely glory, is the song “Jay” made from his phone messages.

Download Dave and Amy Forever