Continuing where I began months ago with the 8 year old molestation joke…

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Suck it’s dick

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How do you get 100 Canadians to leave a pool?

“Would you please leave the pool?”

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What’s better then winning the Special Olympics?

Not being retarded or crippled.

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A guy and a girl are in a bar. Guy says, “So, would you sleep with a man for a million dollars.” Girl replies, “Wow, a million dollars. Yeah, yeah I would.” Guy replies, “So how about you come into the bathroom and suck my dick for $20?” Girl replies, “Fuck you! I’m not a whore!” Guy replies, “Actually, we’ve established you’re a whore, now we’re negotiating price.”

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… and all across the liberal media, there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth as bearded leftie columnists wondered could it be … could Bush have been right?

As an aside, I’m referring to proper liberal news organisations such as the London Independent and the Guardian. If you believe the big American “liberal” newspapers such as the NYT and the Washington Post are anything other than right of centre, you might as well stop reading right now, there’s no point in furrowing your brow in a vain attempt to make sense of the situation. There’s probably something you can read in lieu of thinking for yourself on Newsmax or Fox News.

Yes, when papers like the Independent, famous for it’s pro-marijuana campaign, tentatively suggest the Bush’s beacon of democracy on Iraq theory may in fact be correct, it’s definitely notable. The roots of this about-face lie in the recent tectonic shifts in the politics of the Middle East.

Firstly, came the Afghanistan elections, where Karzai was finally confirmed as president late last year.

Then came the Palestinian elections where Arafat’s successor, Abbas, began to make positive noises regarding cracking down on militants and the Israelis appeared to move slowly toward a final settlement.

Next, 8 million people voted in Iraq, starting the process that promises to bring decades of tyranny to an end.

And in February, the Lebanese took to the streets in the Cedar Revolution, echoing the American sponsored Orange Revolution in the Ukraine and the Velvet Revolution that deposed Georgia’s ex-Soviet leader. Initially a low level demonstration, it expanded into a crescendo of moderate voices peacefully demanding that Syria withdraw her troops all the while encouraged by Washington.

Aside from this, the Saudis began allowing municipal (men-only) elections and Egypt loosened restrictions on it’s electoral process. Small steps, but these are huge Arab nations with massive influence on their Muslim brethren.

Right wing bloggers crowed as usual, but it’s the European liberal introspection that’s notable here. Jonathon Freedland wrote a piece entitled The war’s silver lining on the 2nd of March in the Guardian.

For Bush and Blair, the last 4 months have provided the first chink of light at the end of the Middle Eastern tunnel which they entered after 9/11. So far, they have been careful not to gloat, which is probably good advice.

In Afghanistan, the Americans have installed the world’s most expensive mayor, with Karzai’s government controlling not much more than downtown Kabul and the man himself protected by 200 US bodyguards.

In Iraq, the vast majority of the Sunni minority boycotted the election, while the winning Shia alliance has very close ties to the Iranian theocracy, which hardly bodes well for the prospect of a parliamentary democracy. The Kurds meanwhile, push for virtual independence and incorporation of the oil rich Kirkuk region into Kurdistan. If they do declare independence, Turkey is likely to intervene militarily. At the same time, the insurgency continues unabated.

The apartheid state of Israel gives lip service to peace while planning settlement expansion in the West Bank and cutting it’s losses in Gaza. In the face of such a blatant disregard of the Road-map, Abbas may easily lose legitimacy and Hamas and Islamic Jihad may restart hostilities. While Syria appears to be moving closer to it’s border in Lebanon, the Israelis are keeping the Golan. You see, it’s OK to steal land if it belongs to Arabs.

On the subject of Lebanon, tens of thousands of pro-Syrian, pro-Hezbollah protesters flooded Martyr’s Square. It’s fine for Bush to demand change in Lebanon, but given the plethora of conflicting denominations and loyalties in this complex land, he needs to be fucking careful he doesn’t incite another civil war. The Lebanon is not the Ukraine.

Iran is building a fucking nuclear weapon and is too big to invade.

Saudi Arabia is on the brink of revolution as mentioned previously. Ironically, any opening up of the democratic process in Saudi Arabia and perhaps Egypt would likely see the election of fundamentalist Islamist governments, as happened in Algeria (the government annulled the election result). What does Bush do when conservative religious lands begin exercising their freedom and elect an authoritative religious government? Bomb the shit out of them until they begin buying iPods and discover casual sex?

Bush may have made some inroads and may make some more, but the geopolitical nightmare of the Middle East is too complex to be solved by a simple democratic domino theory.