I will henceforth be using the following terms to describe shit:

gutenberg - Something that sucks. Is bad. I’ve begun using this as a substitute for “gay” as in insult as one of my friends kept cringing when I used “gay.” Which is ironic as he was the one who got me using “gay” in the first place. Sample usage - “My girlfriend made me see a one man show by this guy whose a regular at the bar. It was so gutenberg, the best part of the night was the F train arriving on time.”

swayze - Very cool. Great. Fantastic. Sample usage - “That coke was Swayze good. I don’t think it’s cuz of the cold that I can’t feel my nose.”

hasselhoff - Something so bad it wanders over the line and becomes cool. Something cool among a small group of people, but sucks to everyone else. Something that confuses you as to whether it was cool or sucks. Sample usage: “Many people think Paul Verhoeven’s films are hasselhoff, but I think they’re swayze.”

Any questions?

Interesting that they caved due to scalability problems rather than copyright cops. BT Efnet and torrentreactor are decent enough alternatives.

Yes, you too can chat with SantaClaus on AIM. Here’s a transcript of my wife’s chat with him:

supahC: santa, i think i’m going crazy.
SantaClaus: Hey. Welcome back. You getting in that holiday spirit?

supahC: nope
SantaClaus: Well that won’t due. Type menu and the elves and I will get you rolling.

supahC: i hate christmas
SantaClaus: Sorry the elves didn’t get that.

supahC: christmas sucks
SantaClaus:
Please, I despise that kind of language. I’m just asking you to have a little
patience and ask me another way. I’m talking to thousands of boys and girls and
their parents here at the same time. It’s not so easy!

supahC: yeah, whatever, you hardly ever get anyones wishes right anyway
SantaClaus:
It’s not so much the ‘what’ as it is the ‘why’.

supahC: why, cause people cant afford things and settle or worse, they dont really know each other
SantaClaus: Oh, my. That is a mouthful. I’m so busy typing to so many children, could you send me a slightly smaller note?

supahC: don’t play dumb with me
SantaClaus: Well I speak every language and coordinate the largest supply chain on Earth. So I think that’s a stretch.

supahC: so give hungry children food then
SantaClaus: Pardon me?

supahC: of course you don’t understand you fat bourguoise pig. when was the last time you visited a homeless shelter?
SantaClaus: Now, now… That’s simply just too much for elves and me to understand in one go. Could you try asking something a little shorter?

END TRANSCRIPT

I’m not used to being awake during the day on Saturday. It’s a weird feeling. I had all sorts of plans - buy a new phone, maybe go look at some snowboards in Ochanomizu. Predictably I ended up spending the day sitting in front of the computer organising my mp3 collection and downloading new stuff. Junior Boys - Last Exit is being sucked onto my harddrive as I type. It got the thumbs up from Jackuzi so it can’t be too bad - can it ??

Anyway from a gigs and parties point of view it was a good year in Japan. Radiohead arrived in April and rocked my world. Then Wire was on mid-summer. This is Ishino Takkyus party. He’s a really popular techno DJ, and once a year he gathers the best techno talent from Japan and overseas and throws the biggest indoor techno party in Japan. The big draw this year was that Orbital were playing their Farewell Japan gig there. It was a two day event but we only made it along for the second day. It was a great laugh - Orbital were a bit of a disappointment though. I think they picked the right time to finish up. I never thought I’d say this but their music sounds a bit dated. Their last album - the blue album was crap. Fair play to them though. Their tracks were the anthems for the 90’s clubbing generation.
Jeff Mills was the standout DJ. He played the early morning set, when everyone was a bit jaded but he got the party going all over again.

Late summer the Fuji Rock Festival arrived. This is the Japanese version of Glastonbury in England, and Witness/Oxygen in Ireland, and this year it had a very similar lineup to those two events. This was my first time going to the Fuji Rock festival. It’s fucking expensive - the ticket was 40,000 yen - 287.503 Euroes ! Then you have to pay for the Bullet train there and back, beer money and all the other necessities, and well ……… it’d better be a good weekend !!
It turned out to be a great weekend. Its on up in the mountains in a really beautiful location. Predictably it rained for a while, but lets face it - outdoor festivals would be boring without a bit of rain. The way Fuji works is that during the day the bands play, then around 9 or 10pm the “transition” groups - like Chemical Brothers and Basement Jaxx play, and then there are various parties all over the place until the morning - take your pick - trance, techno, house, ambient - its all there somewhere. Standout music - Basement Jaxx, and Pixies were brilliant. Franz Ferdinand, Simple Kid, Ash, The Stills, PJ Harvey, the Streets and Keane also put on some very impressive shows. Dizzee Rascal is an idiot - during his set he made a comment that went something like - “you don’t have to be Chinese to like my music ” - I’ve no idea what he meant by that but he came out of it looking like a pratt. Courtney Love was very entertaining. She was in a very aggressive mood and kept on stopping the music and giving out to the crowd because they weren’t making enough noise for her taste.
Best moment of the weekend - losing my wallet, then heading down to the headquarters to the lost and found section and getting it back with every penny still in it !! only in Japan. The finale was funny. Morrissey was supposed to play but cancelled at the last moment, and the place was rife with rumours about who might be replacing him. The Chilli Peppers had played in Tokyo the week before so people thought they might step up. I was clinging to the hope that it might be Radiohead. In the end who walks onto the stage - These Charming Men, an Irish (!!) Smiths tribute band - I think their biggest gig before this was in front of a half empty Olympia theatre in Dublin, and now they were playing in front of 50,000 - 60,000 people !! I was so drunk that I actually thought it was the Smiths so I was happy enough ………..

Early Autumn and the Annual Anoyo party came up. Last year it was on up in Sado but this year they moved back to their original location at Niijima Island. Another great weekend. The boattrip there and back is always good fun, and its a really beautiful Island - It seems more like a South Pacific Island - with Easter Island style statues and monuments dotted all over the place - than a Japanese Island. Outdoor trance and techno parties in Japan - they’re just great. Everyone is on the same wavelength.

Other big nights out included seeing John Digweed playing in Yellow. A very hardcore night. We got there around 12 and the party went on until 1:30pm next day. As tends to happen to me at these kind of parties I was actually talking to John - as I like to call him - for a while. He came down onto the floor late on and a Japanese girl went up to him and tried to talk to him in Japanese. He looked around and saw me - I was the only gaijin left in the club at this stage, and came over and asked me if I could speak Japanese. Of course I said yes - even though my Japanese ability could charitably be described as minimal. He asked me to translate what the girl was saying but I hadn’t a clue. I just made something up about her wanting to sleep with him and everyone seemed to be happy with that ……

Then two weekends ago was Electraglide 2004 out in Makuhari Messe. Another big techno ravey thing. Another great night. The place is so big that everyone lost everyone else early on and then we’d keep bumping into each other during the course of the night and losing each other again. Great fun ……….. 2 Many DJ’s were great, and the prodigy put on a very energetic show. I assume Tim Deluxe and Darren Emerson were good. I missed their set - I was at the “wandering around talking shite to strangers” phase of the night.

That’s it really for now. Happy Christmas to all - have a good one.

2004 kicked ass! Considering I didn’t have any internet usage (well very little) and no money to buy C.D.’s all year, this year has been an embarrassment of riches. There was a few disappointments (Wilco was dreadful, Franz Ferdinand were this years emperor’s new clothes and Eminem gets more like The Fat Boys with each new release) but overall, there was great stuff and still lots I need to hear (Scissor Sisters, Bark Psychosis, Goldie Lookin’ Chain, Drive By Truckers, favela booty beats comp, Snoop Dogg etc.)

Anyway, the best album of 2004 IMO is…

#1. Junior Boys – Last Exit

review here

#2. Dizzee Rascal – Showtime

It didn’t provoke the same jaw-dropping reaction as the debut did but then again, maybe we’ve grown accustomed to what he does now. That said, his rapping is better and he easily surpasses anything America has to offer. The music has gotten more minimal and sparse alike old Run DMC and early electro. ‘Dream’ samples Captain Sensible’s ‘Happy Talk’ of all things and he thanks all 100,000 people who went and bought his first C.D. Aww, bless. Wouldn’t catch Gay-Z doin’ that now would ya?

#3. The Go! Team – Thunder Lightning Strike

Belle And Sebastian and The Avalanches share a 12-skinner on a VW bus to the Monterey Pop Festival

#4. The Walkmen – Bows And Arrows

“The more he talked, the worse he was. With all the dignity of the longtime alcoholic who knows she’s drunk and couldn’t care less because unlike the movies there are worse things in the world, namely everything else in the world, she turned to face him” – ‘Maggie May’ L.B.

#5. The Streets – A Grand Don’t Come For Free

A thousand random Googlers cant be wrong!

#6. Kanye West – College Dropout

Review here

#7. !!! – Louden Up Now

Review here

#8. Superpitcher – Here Comes Love

Review here

#9. Kings Of Leon – Aha Shake Heartbreak

Don’t let the NME hype or the fucking awful haircuts turn you off. You wont hear a simpler, catchier set of songs all year.

#10. Delays – Faded Seaside Glamour

Y’know the sort of melancholy that envelops you at times? Particularly on an autumn Sunday morning, usually brought on by a bout of immense boredom. Its dangerously self-absorbed and vain, yet its precious and you hold it dear to you. Its almost ‘nice’. Delays are on that Byronic unhappiness tip with some gorgeous tunes to boot.

#11. Bobby Conn – The Golden Age

Teenage smalltown faggots high on cocaine dress up as 1920’s sorority girls and slash each others throats while Serge Gainsbourg plays from a shitty, muffled boombox (O.K., its from last year but fuck it, it was overlooked then)

#12. The Hold Steady - Almost Killed Me

Snide indie scenester snorts derisively at other snide indie scenesters while remembering the party daze of poppers, pills and Pepsi over some tasty 70’s hard rock riffage. Everyones a critic and most people are deejays-uh. An indie rock E Street Band fronted by a Minneapolis Mark E Smith.

#13. The Futureheads - The Futureheads

In the same ball park as Franz Ferdinand but far better.

#14. Tussle - Kling Klang

krautrockinpunkfunkinbassboominscreechinandathumpingrooovaliciousbizness

#15. Auburn Lull - Cast From The Platform

Ambient shoegazing loveliness. Aural Calpol. 2004’s beddy-byes album.

#16. The Cure - The Cure

Fairly generic Cure (sounds like a bunch of more rockin’ and muscular versions of older Cure tunes) but still beats seven shades of shite out of all the bands that are rippin em off now.

other stuff: Stereolab ‘Margerine Eclipse’, Felix Da Housecat ‘Devin Dazzle and The Neon Fever’, Andrew Weatherall ‘Fabric 19 mix’, Radio 4 ‘Stealing Of A Nation’, Ghostface ‘Pretty Toney Album’, Michael Mayer ‘Touch’

Phew, anything else I missed??